the road to yuanling and flying fish at wal-mart

the road to yuanling

as i type we are on the highway heading to yuanling. pretty bumpy. the road isn't nearly as crowded as i thought. pretty interesting. and the A/C on the bus is great. in fact, i'm kinda cold. i think we've been blessed with some mild weather. it looks a lot like mexico to me. except different. there are fairly large houses dotting the way there. not fancy like something in the pricey part of town in the states but still a couple stories big. i wonder how many live in one house? they almost have that abandoned look to them but i' m certain they are very well lived in. things just aren't organized here like what an american mind is used to seeing. neighborhoods don't look like the typical suburb back home. many of the buildings look half finished. is that because they are new and waiting to be done or not finished falling apart yet? i just don't have a frame of reference, i need a key to help me decipher what i'm seeing.

i'm wondering as we drive, how much of this will Joy miss? she's too young to really "miss" it but what will she want to see when she gets older? will she feel this longing for a part of her she's lost? as her father, her provider, i hope not. i hope to be all sufficient but i know that is not practical or likely. will we ever be back? i don't know how to separate out feelings of being the father of a daughter and being the father of a chinese daughter. i think the two are now impossible to pull apart. just like isaac has blue eyes, brown hair, a small hole in his heart and a wheat alergy - he's my boy. joy is my daughter. that's just how it is. i really have no clue what i've gotten myself into here. clueless isn't that bad. right?

in other news. we hit the town last night. just to go to walmart. and that was plenty. it's intimidating being here. i'm the tallest person, next to one other guy in this group, i've seen in days. i suppose i present an imposing figure for the majority of the people i come across. but i'm the one intimidated. it'd be easy to just sit in my room and watch HBO with chinese subtitles. afterall, we don't have cable at home. at the same time, this is such a blast! everyday should be an adventure. life is just good. but this is the most amazing ride to be on. wow. simply, wow.